Thursday, July 14, 2005
______ shitty . life . ]] *
friends
sometimes i really thinkin what are friends for? are there meant to b here beside me to help me by givin me a lendin hand n support me? or izzit to dump me aside when they have others ard, stabbin knife into my wounded heart n just let me fall free when i fallin? wad do they treat me as? their toy? i'm seem so unimportant to them. they don't understand me. it's been 1 year plus or even two years that we are together as a clique. but yet ya all don understand a singel things abt me. ya all don even know wad i wan or wad i lyk. all ya all know is yaself n others but not me.cryin for ya all everytym. it's lyk jus a waste of my precious tears. pinnin hopes on ya all hopin tat ya all will treat me better. but it will make me more miserable instead. wad ya all wan me to do? kill myself? oh please. cnt ya all jjust treat me fairly? i'm really sick n tired of all this. i'm already troubled enough. i cnt take anymore i these blows. i have broke down more than twice for ya all just in these week. or ya can say it's only four days. i really gettin to hate ya all alot. seriously.
studies
couldn't really sope in my studies now. esp a maths. feelin so dumb and stupid. why must i b so dumb n stupid. couldn't even ans a simple qns or even do my work? wtf have i become to. a dumbo? it must be. all i do is slack n slp. it's lyk the most impt factors of me now.bring tired of studyin. wantin to quit school. but i noe i cnt.no choice is being left for me. i just have to walk the path been chosen by ppl ard me. a path that i don wan. irritated. sad. bored.
destiny.n.fate.r.in.our.own.hands [7/14/2005 09:16:00 PM]
*____x[I]*[misssh]*[youuux]x____*
Monday, July 11, 2005
______ difficulties . in . my . life . ]] *
money
- havin fianical difficulties now. don b surprise. as i might have told some of ya all that i'm not a richy rich. i'm just a average one. i'm in debts. my sis own da bank a bit. hais. guess now i just have to do my best to fork out abit of money. but how to get this money? hais. have to resort to the last help that is find a part time job to work and earn a lil bit of money to help my sis. as i felt that she become like this is sort of my fault too. being such a big spender is the biggest cause of it. so ya. now just have to help her out to fork out abit of money. i'm sorry sis. i can't tell ya that i going to work. i know ya all sure will disapproved about it. but i just wanna do my part. i want share da burden with ya all. i'm sorry.
studies
- hmmm. my grades are gettin from bad to worst and i know it. felt sad about it. but i can't afford to show it out. i don't want my sister and friends to worry about me. And now i have to work part time. to speak da fact. i really don't know how should i cope with all the work,studies and stress that i gonna get. guess i will breakdown one day. but if i know myself well. i'm a lazy person who really can't bothered to study. so why not i spend the time to do some meaningful stuff like work part time and earn some money to help out. i know i takin a seriously wrong step. but i guess i don't have a choice. as i'm just born to b like this. i just hope that there will be some kind souls out there to give me like extra lesson during my free time? ya i really hope so. but there isn't any of them out there. kinda disappointed. but oh wells. i just not fated to have anything good. so there is nothing i can do.
friends
- hmmm. having a feelin that i'm drifting away from my friends. they doesn't seem to care or talk to me. feeling lonely in my world. but. there isn't anyone here to accompany me. mayb there is one. but i just can't open my feelings to her. but. hais. i wish i could. is not i don trust her. is just that i felt that she too won't know what to do. mayb she is a good listening ears that's all. but what i really need is advice. no one is here to give me so good advice. hais. when will this someone appeared in front of me for me to lean n fall back on. no one i guess. people hates me. no ones like me or whatever craps. i don't know. but all i know is that i'm really stress out now. with all this difficulties around me, i guess i won't be much happy now.hais
*~. rather . die . off .~*
destiny.n.fate.r.in.our.own.hands [7/11/2005 10:47:00 PM]
*____x[I]*[misssh]*[youuux]x____*
Friday, July 01, 2005
_______ days . at . camps . ]] *
hais. just came back from a camp at dairy farm adventure center. miss the camp alot man. still couldn't get my mind off the camp. it seem lyk it's only one day camp. but at the actual fact it's a 3days 2 nights camp. i miss all the stuff there. trainers, games, activities and lots. oh ya. i really miss my group trainer, yong quan. he is lyk the best trainer i ever had. oh man. i miss him lots. he lyk noes how to make ppl luff, cheer us up whenever we are sad, give us lots of encouragement when we need them to overcome our fears and stuff, tell lots of jokes, teach us different type of cheers, understand us, never give us and scoldin, and etc. wonderin when will i b able to c him again. didn't even get his contacts. hais. really wish tat i did not leave the camp. or mayb just have a few more days of it or mayb just a few more hours there. then i will b able to stay there longer. hais. but. it's too late. i'm regretin now. nv knew tat i will miss the trainers n esp my group trainer so much. oh man. when will i be able to see them again? when?!? hais. hav so much fun down there. will there b a next time? hope so man. or will i b able to see them again anywhere or something? arrgh!! how i wish man. sad. hope they will remember us. the spinach group. group trainer:yong quan. group member:clara,fathima,xinyi,jac,pei jun,hweekhim,chiew peng,meishan,esther,grace,sharon,xinyi,shuan,iz,muee,malvin,mandl,and marcus. sorry guys if i hav left ya out or spell ya name wrongly. must remember us! we are from peicai. 2005 sec 3. we surely will miss ya all. i promise.
destiny.n.fate.r.in.our.own.hands [7/01/2005 05:35:00 PM]
*____x[I]*[misssh]*[youuux]x____*
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
_____ first . day . in . malaysia . ]] *
- wa-leh-ho. now mii in malaysia. near ayer hitam i guess. donno the name correct ma. gonna stay at my uncle house. it's like at da oil palm plantation. it's kinda fresh n cold here. it's lyk surrounded by oil palm trees and other kind of trees n plants. guess wad? my uncle have his very own fruits trees. fruits lyk durian, mango, rambutans, papaya, n etc. really alot. then get to eat freshly pluck rambutans and durians. it's yummy. it's sweet. guess it's difficult to find such fresh ones back i n singapore le ba. then got to know wad palm oil can b used for. guess there is still much more to b learnt. saw the fruits of da oil palm too. it's really interesting. though it's kinda bored here n not much things to do n lots of mosquitoes bits. but. it's interestin.
- had my dinner abt 9. the food is delicious. we went to a nearby sort of resturant. it'ss really cheap. RM61 only. it means abt SG$30. cheap rite? how can ya go to a resturant n eat lots of delicious food at that price in singapore. it's like totally impossible man. aniway kinda lookin forward to tomorrow as i'm goin to my another uncle house to pay a visit n goin to KL for my shoppin!! *excited* gonna go back to singapore on saturday. so dear friends. please do not miss me. lols. muacks.//
destiny.n.fate.r.in.our.own.hands [6/22/2005 07:31:00 PM]
*____x[I]*[misssh]*[youuux]x____*
Monday, June 20, 2005
______ long long ever since . ]] *
- guess it must b a thousand years since i last updated. anyway. gonna use this blog again. simply love this blog alot. wad cn i say. all my effort for makin this blog wonderful n sweet. it's really a wast if i don use it animore. so yep.
-hmmm. i guess i misses someone to much these days. din manage to see him ytd at the carnival. it's lyk i haven see him for abt a week. yet i'm missing him so much now. wad more can i say. love him? hais. i donno how m i feelin now. i seem dead. my heart isn't with me now. i guess it's somewhere where he lives. oh well. guess i jus hav to wait for my heart to come back before i live again.
destiny.n.fate.r.in.our.own.hands [6/20/2005 11:53:00 PM]
*____x[I]*[misssh]*[youuux]x____*
Sunday, April 10, 2005
..:: c a m p f i r e ::..
_____ S A . c a m p f i r e . ]] *
- jus came bk fr SA campfire.. it's lyk so bored in da beginnin cn... n i super tired lo... den after tat ms sae ask mii to b more endu... so bo bian.. den i hav to b endu abit... muz gim her face... den i lyk siao can... keep shouting all tat... den so more soretroat... haiz... sobz... den when pcss guides perform... da whole pcss company lyk rush to da front n high can... haha... den RI scouts gim mii n misha n xinyi a shock cn... den jus came right between us n whole our hands n start to b high wif da music cn?? den i was lyk... diao... den dey do tu-pid action lo.. den worst... lolx... oh ya... da group of rovers beside us... dey are lyk super endu or keep shouting n givin comments... haha... rox cn... funni sia... den lyk will nv b flat de lo... haha... forever der to make noises de... den v.united de lo... not lyk pcss de... so... diao la... haha... jus a bit more diao... den after tat... xinyi misha mii... go central der to mit lina... den we go eat near s11 der... den go home le... tat's for da nite... jus wanna thx da rovers beside us... ya all reali cn create live man!! keep it up!! n thx SA for invitin us?? hmmm.. guess so.. haha..
destiny.n.fate.r.in.our.own.hands [4/10/2005 12:39:00 AM]
*____x[I]*[misssh]*[youuux]x____*
Saturday, April 09, 2005
..:: h a t e ::..
_____ p i s s e d . o f f . w i f . c l i q u e 8 . ]] *
- today reali... fish lo... sux la... i reali gettin to hate gracie n da rest lo... wad's a clique for... fish la... mit at 10.30... den i leave my trainin reali jus bcoz of dem... den today trainin lyk impt la... coz gonna learn new tings.. den.. wt lo... mit 10.30... 10.50 still haven come... waste mii tym lo... 20 mins i cn lyk train miiself for da new ting lo.. fish lo... den call graice she lyk scold mii.. as if my fault... reach early will die izzit... izzit must reach later den da rest den cn... lyk tis might as well don go... den dey mit ltr oso nv info mii... simply too much le lo... i reali hate some of da clique 8 ppl lo... tink wad!! irresponsible ppl lyk you better don plan ath lo!! fish off!! n tupid HZG don ever push da blame n don tink u r correct okie!! u sux lo!! tink wad!! fish la!! i tok to ya nicely... den wad ya treat mii.. fish lo... go do some reflection la... FISH!!!
_____ m a . t h o u g h t s . ]] *
- i'm sad.. i'm hurt.. but who bothers abt mii.. i'm jus a idiot hu treat ppl better n care for dem... n wad i get in return... scoldin n accusin... throw mii aside... fish lo... no1 ard mii bothers abt mii... den jus care for demselves... selfish ppl are all ard mii... n everything is all ma fault...not ting i do is correct... i reali hate you all... selfish ppl... jus get out of ma life.. i don nd ya all... fish off!! wad i do, i sae or even i c is a mistake... i'm a biggest mistake in da world... no ppl on tish earth understand how i feel... ya all jus don bother... all dey noe is how to hurt n torture mii...tryin to stand up from da all... but dey jus don wan mii to stand up again... how i wish i could end ma life lyk tat... i'm a mistake on tis worldi'm simply useless n dumb... i noe tis is how dey feel...i'm real sad... no1 ard to reali console mii... i wish i could go brainwash to forget all of dem n all my troubles... tears tat i drop for ya all today are reali precious... i cnt control it... wad you all sae to mii reali hurt... i'm reali hurt... i hate ya!!
destiny.n.fate.r.in.our.own.hands [4/09/2005 03:10:00 PM]
*____x[I]*[misssh]*[youuux]x____*
