wishing upon a star in the darkness of the nite

______ shitty . life . ]] *

2005-07-14T21:16:00.000+08:00

friends

sometimes i really thinkin what are friends for? are there meant to b here beside me to help me by givin me a lendin hand n support me? or izzit to dump me aside when they have others ard, stabbin knife into my wounded heart n just let me fall free when i fallin? wad do they treat me as? their toy? i'm seem so unimportant to them. they don't understand me. it's been 1 year plus or even two years that we are together as a clique. but yet ya all don understand a singel things abt me. ya all don even know wad i wan or wad i lyk. all ya all know is yaself n others but not me.cryin for ya all everytym. it's lyk jus a waste of my precious tears. pinnin hopes on ya all hopin tat ya all will treat me better. but it will make me more miserable instead. wad ya all wan me to do? kill myself? oh please. cnt ya all jjust treat me fairly? i'm really sick n tired of all this. i'm already troubled enough. i cnt take anymore i these blows. i have broke down more than twice for ya all just in these week. or ya can say it's only four days. i really gettin to hate ya all alot. seriously.

studies

couldn't really sope in my studies now. esp a maths. feelin so dumb and stupid. why must i b so dumb n stupid. couldn't even ans a simple qns or even do my work? wtf have i become to. a dumbo? it must be. all i do is slack n slp. it's lyk the most impt factors of me now.bring tired of studyin. wantin to quit school. but i noe i cnt.no choice is being left for me. i just have to walk the path been chosen by ppl ard me. a path that i don wan. irritated. sad. bored.

______ difficulties . in . my . life . ]] *

2005-07-11T22:47:00.000+08:00

money

- havin fianical difficulties now. don b surprise. as i might have told some of ya all that i'm not a richy rich. i'm just a average one. i'm in debts. my sis own da bank a bit. hais. guess now i just have to do my best to fork out abit of money. but how to get this money? hais. have to resort to the last help that is find a part time job to work and earn a lil bit of money to help my sis. as i felt that she become like this is sort of my fault too. being such a big spender is the biggest cause of it. so ya. now just have to help her out to fork out abit of money. i'm sorry sis. i can't tell ya that i going to work. i know ya all sure will disapproved about it. but i just wanna do my part. i want share da burden with ya all. i'm sorry.

studies

- hmmm. my grades are gettin from bad to worst and i know it. felt sad about it. but i can't afford to show it out. i don't want my sister and friends to worry about me. And now i have to work part time. to speak da fact. i really don't know how should i cope with all the work,studies and stress that i gonna get. guess i will breakdown one day. but if i know myself well. i'm a lazy person who really can't bothered to study. so why not i spend the time to do some meaningful stuff like work part time and earn some money to help out. i know i takin a seriously wrong step. but i guess i don't have a choice. as i'm just born to b like this. i just hope that there will be some kind souls out there to give me like extra lesson during my free time? ya i really hope so. but there isn't any of them out there. kinda disappointed. but oh wells. i just not fated to have anything good. so there is nothing i can do.

friends

- hmmm. having a feelin that i'm drifting away from my friends. they doesn't seem to care or talk to me. feeling lonely in my world. but. there isn't anyone here to accompany me. mayb there is one. but i just can't open my feelings to her. but. hais. i wish i could. is not i don trust her. is just that i felt that she too won't know what to do. mayb she is a good listening ears that's all. but what i really need is advice. no one is here to give me so good advice. hais. when will this someone appeared in front of me for me to lean n fall back on. no one i guess. people hates me. no ones like me or whatever craps. i don't know. but all i know is that i'm really stress out now. with all this difficulties around me, i guess i won't be much happy now.hais

*~. rather . die . off .~*

_______ days . at . camps . ]] *

2005-07-01T17:35:00.000+08:00

hais. just came back from a camp at dairy farm adventure center. miss the camp alot man. still couldn't get my mind off the camp. it seem lyk it's only one day camp. but at the actual fact it's a 3days 2 nights camp. i miss all the stuff there. trainers, games, activities and lots. oh ya. i really miss my group trainer, yong quan. he is lyk the best trainer i ever had. oh man. i miss him lots. he lyk noes how to make ppl luff, cheer us up whenever we are sad, give us lots of encouragement when we need them to overcome our fears and stuff, tell lots of jokes, teach us different type of cheers, understand us, never give us and scoldin, and etc. wonderin when will i b able to c him again. didn't even get his contacts. hais. really wish tat i did not leave the camp. or mayb just have a few more days of it or mayb just a few more hours there. then i will b able to stay there longer. hais. but. it's too late. i'm regretin now. nv knew tat i will miss the trainers n esp my group trainer so much. oh man. when will i be able to see them again? when?!? hais. hav so much fun down there. will there b a next time? hope so man. or will i b able to see them again anywhere or something? arrgh!! how i wish man. sad. hope they will remember us. the spinach group. group trainer:yong quan. group member:clara,fathima,xinyi,jac,pei jun,hweekhim,chiew peng,meishan,esther,grace,sharon,xinyi,shuan,iz,muee,malvin,mandl,and marcus. sorry guys if i hav left ya out or spell ya name wrongly. must remember us! we are from peicai. 2005 sec 3. we surely will miss ya all. i promise.

_____ first . day . in . malaysia . ]] *

2005-06-22T19:31:00.000+08:00

- wa-leh-ho. now mii in malaysia. near ayer hitam i guess. donno the name correct ma. gonna stay at my uncle house. it's like at da oil palm plantation. it's kinda fresh n cold here. it's lyk surrounded by oil palm trees and other kind of trees n plants. guess wad? my uncle have his very own fruits trees. fruits lyk durian, mango, rambutans, papaya, n etc. really alot. then get to eat freshly pluck rambutans and durians. it's yummy. it's sweet. guess it's difficult to find such fresh ones back i n singapore le ba. then got to know wad palm oil can b used for. guess there is still much more to b learnt. saw the fruits of da oil palm too. it's really interesting. though it's kinda bored here n not much things to do n lots of mosquitoes bits. but. it's interestin.

- had my dinner abt 9. the food is delicious. we went to a nearby sort of resturant. it'ss really cheap. RM61 only. it means abt SG$30. cheap rite? how can ya go to a resturant n eat lots of delicious food at that price in singapore. it's like totally impossible man. aniway kinda lookin forward to tomorrow as i'm goin to my another uncle house to pay a visit n goin to KL for my shoppin!! *excited* gonna go back to singapore on saturday. so dear friends. please do not miss me. lols. muacks.//

______ long long ever since . ]] *

2005-06-20T23:53:00.000+08:00

- guess it must b a thousand years since i last updated. anyway. gonna use this blog again. simply love this blog alot. wad cn i say. all my effort for makin this blog wonderful n sweet. it's really a wast if i don use it animore. so yep.

-hmmm. i guess i misses someone to much these days. din manage to see him ytd at the carnival. it's lyk i haven see him for abt a week. yet i'm missing him so much now. wad more can i say. love him? hais. i donno how m i feelin now. i seem dead. my heart isn't with me now. i guess it's somewhere where he lives. oh well. guess i jus hav to wait for my heart to come back before i live again.

..:: c a m p f i r e ::..

2005-04-10T00:39:00.000+08:00

_____ S A . c a m p f i r e . ]] *

- jus came bk fr SA campfire.. it's lyk so bored in da beginnin cn... n i super tired lo... den after tat ms sae ask mii to b more endu... so bo bian.. den i hav to b endu abit... muz gim her face... den i lyk siao can... keep shouting all tat... den so more soretroat... haiz... sobz... den when pcss guides perform... da whole pcss company lyk rush to da front n high can... haha... den RI scouts gim mii n misha n xinyi a shock cn... den jus came right between us n whole our hands n start to b high wif da music cn?? den i was lyk... diao... den dey do tu-pid action lo.. den worst... lolx... oh ya... da group of rovers beside us... dey are lyk super endu or keep shouting n givin comments... haha... rox cn... funni sia... den lyk will nv b flat de lo... haha... forever der to make noises de... den v.united de lo... not lyk pcss de... so... diao la... haha... jus a bit more diao... den after tat... xinyi misha mii... go central der to mit lina... den we go eat near s11 der... den go home le... tat's for da nite... jus wanna thx da rovers beside us... ya all reali cn create live man!! keep it up!! n thx SA for invitin us?? hmmm.. guess so.. haha..

..:: h a t e ::..

2005-04-09T15:10:00.000+08:00

_____ p i s s e d . o f f . w i f . c l i q u e 8 . ]] *

- today reali... fish lo... sux la... i reali gettin to hate gracie n da rest lo... wad's a clique for... fish la... mit at 10.30... den i leave my trainin reali jus bcoz of dem... den today trainin lyk impt la... coz gonna learn new tings.. den.. wt lo... mit 10.30... 10.50 still haven come... waste mii tym lo... 20 mins i cn lyk train miiself for da new ting lo.. fish lo... den call graice she lyk scold mii.. as if my fault... reach early will die izzit... izzit must reach later den da rest den cn... lyk tis might as well don go... den dey mit ltr oso nv info mii... simply too much le lo... i reali hate some of da clique 8 ppl lo... tink wad!! irresponsible ppl lyk you better don plan ath lo!! fish off!! n tupid HZG don ever push da blame n don tink u r correct okie!! u sux lo!! tink wad!! fish la!! i tok to ya nicely... den wad ya treat mii.. fish lo... go do some reflection la... FISH!!!

_____ m a . t h o u g h t s . ]] *

- i'm sad.. i'm hurt.. but who bothers abt mii.. i'm jus a idiot hu treat ppl better n care for dem... n wad i get in return... scoldin n accusin... throw mii aside... fish lo... no1 ard mii bothers abt mii... den jus care for demselves... selfish ppl are all ard mii... n everything is all ma fault...not ting i do is correct... i reali hate you all... selfish ppl... jus get out of ma life.. i don nd ya all... fish off!! wad i do, i sae or even i c is a mistake... i'm a biggest mistake in da world... no ppl on tish earth understand how i feel... ya all jus don bother... all dey noe is how to hurt n torture mii...tryin to stand up from da all... but dey jus don wan mii to stand up again... how i wish i could end ma life lyk tat... i'm a mistake on tis worldi'm simply useless n dumb... i noe tis is how dey feel...i'm real sad... no1 ard to reali console mii... i wish i could go brainwash to forget all of dem n all my troubles... tears tat i drop for ya all today are reali precious... i cnt control it... wad you all sae to mii reali hurt... i'm reali hurt... i hate ya!!

..:: m i x e d . o f f . e m o t i o n ::..

2005-04-06T21:24:00.000+08:00

_____ p i s s e d . o f f . ]] *

- hmmm... ya peeps out der... ya noe wad?? ya hav no rites to force mii to do ting i don wanna or squeeze tings out which i donno... don't ya tink it's a waste of tym?? when i sae i donno or i don't wan.. den stop forcin mii or wadever... i'm sick n tired of tis... tis is mii attitude... take it or leave it.. it's ya prob... nt mine... i m da way i'm.. get it?? * puei * ~_~

_____ s m o o c h e s . ]] *

- wee!! kinda happi... gonna realised mii dream since young... gonna get a flute... a flute which belong to mii... gonna get it on mon... which is ma bdae... cool rite?? wee!! luv mii sis lots n lots... reali... though i gim her attitude n throw temper at her... yet she treatin mii sooo good... luv her lots... jie!! i luv ya panda!! muacks!! hehe... i gettin older... gonna try to stop ma tu-pid childish behaviour kk?? i will try... thx alot for wad ya hav done for mii!! n thx for buyin lots n lots of stuff everytym we go out... n food... n nw i in taf!! hehe.. srry for causin ya to b 'broke' everytym... haha... thx for everyting ya hav done... muacks!! =)

_____ sadden . ]] *

- hmmm... abt abt 5 more days to mii bdae... haiz... sth when i jus tink abt it... reali sadden abt mii... cn i celebrate mii bdae wif da whole of clique 8 ma?? cn i go out wif da person?? haiz... guess i wun b able to... i reali wish to... but... haiz... sad... it's jus fate... clique 8 doesn't seem to hav go out together gether... sad rite?? cn we go out together n celebrate together on sat ma?? i don tink soo... shu xian hav vball trainin... lina n xinyi got some probs... haiz... clique 8 lyk will never go out together de... sad la... haiz... when cn we got out together?? i miz sec two days... where we cn chit-chat, eat n play together... but nw... we r in diff class... haiz... aniway.. hope it will jus come true one day... =(

..:: j e a l o u s ::..

2005-04-04T21:43:00.000+08:00

______ j e a l o u s . e n v y . ]] *

- hmmm... reali jealous of sha n weiying bdae... dey lyk got soo much present n happiness during their bdae cn... dey even went out to celebrate their bdae wif their frenz... and hav lots of fun... haiz... mii bdae sure will nt b tis fun de lo... got GIRL GUIDES!! haiz... sianz lo... wad the sia.... haiz... aniway if don hav oso nth much... coz no1 will celebrate for mii de... i sooo unpopular... or wadsoever... no prezzi... no celebration... nth~~!! all i will hav is... sadness... scoldings... punishment... looks n wadsoever cn... haiz... aiya... use to it le la... nt much diff... no1 will celebrate for mii de lo... no1!! haiz... den ms sae sure will scold mii de... coz got guides... haiz... aiya... forget it man... let's forget abt mii bdae... mii bdae is jus a normal day... sobz... reali jealous of ppl hu hav lots of prezzi, greeting or even hav da chance to go out n celebrate wif frenz... nt lyk mii... haiz.... sobz~~!! =(

..:: b r e a k d o w n ::..

2005-03-31T22:45:00.000+08:00

____ breaking . down . soon . ]] *

- hmmm... these few days reali v.sad n miserable... feelin v.terrible... reali v.terrible... donno wad's happenin to mii... not myself these few days... don behave lyk da ah-jac in da past... nw mii is lying to wad i m... placin a happi face-mask onto ma face to hide da sadness on ma face... i donno wad's happenin to mii... donno wad's goin on in mii... ma world seem to b in a mess... i feel so lost... no1 is der to led mii back to da path... darkness filled da world of mine... i cnt c things ard mii... i cnt figure out where to go... which direction is which... all ma frenz couldn't b found... i'm jus dumped... i'm gone without a single trace... no1 bothers abt mii... dey are happi without mii... i'm plainly useless n dumb... causin da world to b polluted by ma sadness... no1 noe how i feels... as dey r not in ma shoe... i feel lyk cryin... but i jus wun let ma tears flow down ma cheeks... enuff is enuff... i don wanna ppl ard mii to worri abt mii... i would rather keep ma feelings wif mii in ma heart... i'm sorry guys if i ever show u attitude these few days... i'm reali sorry...

..:: d e a d . b o r e d ::..

2005-03-28T19:54:00.000+08:00

____ good . f riday . ]] *

- tis yr good friday arz... not bad... kinda fun... went out wif gracie n duane to watch a skit of a dance tingy... christian de la... den v. nice can... den wa... haha.. too bad xinyi miss it.. lolx... jk la... nt tat bad la da skit... enjoy it aniway... den after go SGH wif gracie.. to c her grandma... den go food court eat char siew n roaster pork rice... nt v. nice... but... still okie lo... acceptable... den go taxi stand take cab to outrum mrt station... haha.. siao rite.. but nvm la.. it's okie... den take train to mit bea at city hall...

- i was late for mitin bea... haha... den when i saw her... she was lyk jumpin towards mii... den she was lyk... 'pooh is der..' sth lyk tat la... den i was lyk.. orh okie... haha.. coz i donno tat guy ma... so ya... den wanted to c how he look lyk... but end up nv... haha...den mii n bea walk through da city link to suntec... haha.. den at citylink.. we went in to da flash n splash shop... den i go c bikini... fall in luv wif a white one... sooo nice okie... hump..!! gonna buy it at mii bdae wk... which is lyk two wks ltr... lolx... den oso found out tat da cap i wanted... no more black le... onli got white de... den i lyk kinda sad... haiz... but aniway... decided to buy da white one... hehe...=p...

- reach suntec le... we went to starbucks to hav a litlle rest... bought cakes n drink... den chit-chat abit... hehe... den get out of starbucks n walk to da cinema der... on da way... saw emily, marisa n joanne... den at der di siao abit... haha... beat each other n bleah.. lolx... fun k... =x... den reach da cinema at abt 6.15... den buy da tics... but ya noe wad?? da show will onli start at abt 7.40... so... we went to sit down n chit-chat... went to da staircase der... so scarrry... no1 de... onli got mii n bea... wa... haha... den after tat we change spot to da outside of ROCK n near da food court at 3 lvl to chit-chat... den i lyk sit down der... den look at da place where mii n shawn dey all use to walk here n der... den lyk got lots of memories k... den lyk wanna cry wanna cry... but i cnt cry... no tears... no... aiya... donno la... den it keep repeatin... den lyk... arrgh... den haiz... tell bea lo... den we at der chit-chat... long long tym nv shit-chat wif her for sooo long le... den feel quite happi... hmmm... donno la... haiz... i miz da memories... n ya noe wad?? da v.dae prezzi shawn bought for mii is lyk sooo ex k... 11 bucks lei... i tot it's lyk 5 bucks onli... din expect it to b sooo ex... omg sia... den memories cum into mii mind again when i saw it... haiz... wanna hav it again... but it's impossible... haiz... =( wanna cry le la... haiz... aniway... bea n i went to watch the eye 10... den lyk sooooo funni n scarrry n gross cn... haha... den wa... ma 1st tym i nv close much of mii eyes.... but i jus scream out instead... lolx...den i send bea home... coz i wanna hear wad she dreamt abt mii... her dreams abt mii arz... totally freak mii out kk... den wa... how i hope tat it will b true... but it will nv b okie... haiz... den... so sad larz!! =x

- tat nite i din slp at all... i tok wif tor on fone fr 12+ to abt 3+... haha... den he at der shot mii n blah... den of cos i at der... arrgh... lolx... but fun la... kinda lyk to chat wif him... lyk kinda fun at tyms... haha... den after tat... i go burn a cd for him n wrap his bdae prezzi... coz nth to do... den go bball trainin... den go find bea coz hip-hop cancel... den she nv go dreams...

____ went . wif . bea . at . tm . ]] *

- after mii bball trainin i got a shock okie... it start lyk tat la... hmmm... saw bea miss call after trainin... den i call her back... den she asked mii where m i... den i replied tat i was near bball court goin dreams... den she started cryin okie... den i was lyk... tio stunned la... coz is lyk... i told her the wrong place which i m... den she got sooo sad or wad... n started crying or wad... den felt sooo bad... but lucky it's not okie... haha... is coz she is tooo touched n she felt v. bad... tat's y... haha... den go tm walk walk... den went to eat kfc... den bought alot of food k... den i was lyk... "wa!! bea!! u siao arz!! buy sooo much food!!" lolx... haha...den walk rounds at tm... den went popular to read Singapore True Ghost Stories Book 12... haha... too bored le.. tat's y... hehe... den walk abit more... den went hme... ya... manage to make her happi n wad... den feel quite good... haha... =)

..:: b r a n d . n e w ::..

2005-03-07T17:46:00.000+08:00

_____ tot . abt . it . n . decided . ]] *

- tis new mii is reali useless... much useless den in da past... so i hav decided... to change again... abit similar to da past... but tis new mii.. will b more active... more talkative.. n more cheerful...haha... i hope so... jus wish tat mii heart will not b break by ani1 again.. coz it's still on it's way to recover!! n da new mii will b born!! hehe... jus hope so ba.. coz.. i reali nd to b happi... n more light... i nd lots of support... hope der is some1 to hlp mii... yeps... hehe... sooo cool... =)

..:: u n d e r s t a n d i n ::..

2005-03-01T21:26:00.000+08:00

____ u . simply . don . understand . mii . ]]*

- tis world reali sux alot... no1 simply understand mii.... dey don care abt mii... dey don bother abt mii... i reali hate tis... cnt u all jus understand mii... don tink u understand mii fr head to toe... u simply don... n don control where i wanna go or wadever... u r gonna pissed mii off... u everytym ps mii... den sae i ps u... wad the lo... u got frenz u jus will chut mii into one side n heck care wht i die or wadever... u reali makin mii feel so sux... u r gettin on mii nerve... i reali hate it... i don hate u... but i jus hate ur change... n don take mii for granted... now i hav no longer treat u as mii close frenz animore... i wun tell u animore of mii secrets or mii prob... i rather tell da wall den tell u... i tell u... u go tell other ppl... wad the fuckin shit u wan?!! wanna snatch da guy i lyk.. wanna snatch away or mii tots n wadever... oh pls... if u wanna do tis... den get ur fuckin hands n eys off mii... i nt gonna b soft-hearted to u animore... n don act tat u reali concern abt mii.. coz i hav seen through u... stop the shity actin... u care for mii is u jus wanna show it to ppl... u did nt care for mii wif ur heart... u reali gettin too much... i write letter to tell u how much u gettin on mii nerve.. yet u heck care it hur... den fuck off... i don nd u as one of mii fren... don keep actin loyal will u... lyk some1 else jus sae la... don keep sayin... jac... i miss him... how... should i giv up or wadever bullshit... u jus tryin to act... i tell u.. i hate tis... u will stick to guys instead off mii.. i noe it... den fuck fuCK FUCK off!!! u should noe usrself better... u wan mii to sae out hu u r i will okie... i nt kiddin... i hav reali change.. i hav change to another person.. i wun torlerate animore stuff... once more n u will get it... i mean it... u too hav stabbed daggers into mii heart... u hurt it... u don care abt mii at all!! hopefully u noe hu u r.... n stop it..

..:: m y . h e a r t ::..

2005-02-24T21:48:00.000+08:00

____ mistake . ]] *

i've given u my heart
u have taken care of it well
till the day u got to know some1 else
tat cause u to fall for
u dumped mii heart aside
while u try to get her to b urs

daggers r being stabbed into mii heart
causin it to bleed
no1 will b able to heal the wounds of it
except for u
yet u were nv here
nv here to heal my wounds

givin u my heart might b a mistake
but i will nv regret abt it
coz i noe tis will happen
i m prepared
bt i jus nv expect it too b so soon

knowin der will nv b a beginnin
n of coz nt a endin
i jus insist on lettin my heart go to u
coz i tot u will take good care of it
but it ended up to b a mistake
causin hurt to myself

but it's okie
coz it's jus a moment of foolishness
n i'm a willing party
causin all tis to happen
i'm sorry

..:: c h a n g e s . i n . m i i . l i f e ::..

2005-02-16T22:30:00.000+08:00

____ don . wish . to . get . animore . cuts . in . mii . heart . ]] *

- guess ya hav no mii in ya heart... i hav change jus for ya... yet after i change... ya hav throw mii into da rubbish dump.. i reali luv ya... but... y do ya hav to treat mii in tis manner?? y cnt ya jus treat mii better n care more for mii.... i noe der ish some1 in ya heart... n tat person will nv b mii... i missed u... folded 99 hearts for ya as valentine present... yet i hav no courage to give it to ya... coz i got tis strong feelin tellin mii tat ya will jus dumped it away... i don wish to hav more cuts in mii heart... it's bleedin.. blood flowin out of mii... coz da cuts ya given to mii is jus too deep... we were nv once a couple.. n we will nv b.... coz i noe u will nv lyk mii tis kind of person... n i'm a ugly ducklin... if i ever hav a place in ya heart... it will b a miracle... luvin ya too deep... jus means gettin miiself more cuts in mii heart... but i jus lyk ya too much.... *. lyk u .*

____ totally . looked . down . upon . miiself . ]] *

- i hav totally hate miiself.... i looked down on miiself... every single ting abt mii jus doesn't seem right... i noe i'm nt a good fren... i jus a devil livin on tis world... causin harm to ppl in da world... i wish nt to harm ppl ard mii... everyting on tis world taste so sour n bitter... y is tis so?? guess i have came to da wrong world... makin da wrong frenz... doin da wrong stuff... i jus cnt stand miiself... cnt stand some of mii frenz... dey will jus peng seh mii.... ignored mii... being sooo fake towards mii.. i wanna tell dem mii prob... but dey will jus start to act or simply entertain mii or ignore mii.... i reali hate tis... cnt dey jus care for mii more?? don dey noe tat i care more abt dem den i care for miiself... i cn scarified everyting jus for dem... but dey onli care or wans everyting to demself... selfish of dem... but i cnt brin miiself to hate dem or wad... haiz... reali hav enuff... i nw pleadin ya all to stop torturin mii... i noe i came to da wrong world... but wad cn i do now... i jus wanna b happi without stress n ani other bad stuff... jus wan a simple n happy life... tat's all i wan for now.... reali... will u all grant mii tish wish?? *. hopin for it .*

..:: s a d n e s s . o w a y z . c o m e . t o . m i i ::..

2005-02-12T15:05:00.000+08:00

____ drinking . to . drown . mii . sadness . ]] *

- drinkin nw... reali feel so heavy.... i m soo sad n feel sooo heavy...y muz tor asked mii to choose... i hate to choose... reali...n y mus he leave mii wif no choose?? y do i hav to lead tis kind of life... both r brothers to mii... both take good care of mii... take good care of mii... yet... one side insist tat i cn one choose one... i hate it... reali... i couldn't type out how i feel nw... i jus feel soo lousy... real lousy... i m so miserable... i scare i will break down... but i cnt... i breakdown enuff le... haiz... but...wad else cn i do?? i wanna go to da beach to scream it all out... but der is no 1 der to go wif mii... accompany mii... mii frenz r all so selfish.... jus tooo selfish... dey don care abt mii... all dey wan is to make mii miserable by makin a choice tat i don wish to make...y... y hav to b lyk tat?

..:: s a d ::..

2005-02-03T22:02:00.000+08:00

___ r e a l i . h a t e . m i i . l i f e . ]] *

- y mus all tis stuff happen to mii... i reali hate mii life lo....wad r frenz for?? y izzit so tough havin frenz....y... aniway... cried for abt an hour today... reali soo... haiz... i donno wad to sae...but i wan peace... haiz... sobz sia... i don wan mii frenz to fight or hurt each other... bothe of da parties r reali impt to mii... without dem... mii life will b lyk.... soo meaningless.... haiz..

___ d o e s . h e . c a r e s . f o r . m i i . ]] *

- does he reali care for mii... y everyting he will ask bea wad had happen to mii... n nt askin mii directly instead... i might nt tell her everyting rite... haiz... but y muz lyk tat.. i wan to noe miiself tat he cares for mii... n nt through bea.... haiz... reali sad lo.... guess mayb he hav fallen for bea.... i'm jus such a useless person... i cnt even let or keep da guy i lyk beside mii... n valentine day cumin le... guess hav to spend alone again... haiz... wish tat tis year will hav him to pei mii or others... don care is boi or gurl... i jus wanna go out on valentine... but of coz la... hopefully it's a guy... hehe.... luv hx...

..:: m i s e r a b l e ::..

2005-02-03T01:27:00.000+08:00

___ n o 1 . u n d e r s t a n d . m i i . ]] *

- y isn't der ani1 hu understand or care abt mii... alll dey do is care for demselve... i reali hate tat..... y dey owayz wanna gimme choices to choose which both of da choices lyk... it's reali difficult to choose... i don wan dem to get into fights or wad... i wan dem to hav peace... all tis might nt b lyk tat if she jus b abit more direct... n tn turnin her ways here n der... she steppin into da deep trap... i reali tryin hard to save her... b4 it's too late... n b4 sth reali bad happen.... y... if she listen to mii... mayb da matter will oreadi b settle.... pls... gimme some space to choose n breath.... u all gonna kill mii sooon.... u all nt givin aniways for mii to stay alive... i hate da sufferings... no1 cares abt mii or wad... i'm reali sad... too saad.... mii heart is dying.....

..:: g o o d . o r . b a d ::..

2005-02-01T23:01:00.000+08:00

___ h a p p i . ]] *

- hehe... today got ppl fetch mii fr sch sia... happi... bea is i asked her de... den aloy tag along... den shawn is wan to cum fetxh mii... den okie lo.. haha... sooo good... how i wish every day cn lyk tat.... hehe... evil mii.... lolx... aniway... hx promise mii to go down when he free.. happi.. but wonder he will rmb ma....

___ s a d . ]] *

- hmmm.. mii sooo sad... sooo fan... haiz... bea... i'm reali sry... i hope tat u will forgive mii....i reali din mean it... sry... hope u reali... guess u wun tink tat i m a gd gurl animore.... haiz... sry......

..:: m u s t . i ::..

2005-01-27T01:03:00.000+08:00

____ t i r e d . ]] *

- i reali hate to make decision.... y mus u let mii onli choose A or B.... if u reali wan mii to choose... den i rather choose no 1.... both A n B r mii frenz lo... i hav mii own circle of frenz.... n all of dem r lyk reali impt to mii... but y do u all hav to make mii choose?? y u all wanna tink for urself... i reali v.tired of all tis... all i wan is jus peace n to make new frenz... but y do u wan mii to choose either of u all...nvm... here's mii decision... either i choose both of u all... or i choose none of u all.... tat's it... u still wan mii to choose... i beg u la k... cn ya all jus understand mii abit... i hate tis kind of life.... reali..... y cnt both u all jus b frenz... how i wish u all could b frenz... i reali wish so... but y u all wan it to b lyk tat... i hate tis... i wan peace!!!! * ~ . p e a c e . ~ *

..:: m i s s . t i l l . s i c k ::..

2005-01-26T20:50:00.000+08:00

___ misses . him . ]] *

- days r passin by.. i miss him too much... does he noes tat... i lost mii wei kou jus becoz of him... i sick oso jus bcoz of him... i cnyt concentrate oso bcoz of him... does he noe tat?? i don tink so... y does he hav to stay sooo far fr mii... i reali wish to c him everyday... but i noe it's totally impossible... he doesn't hav ani feel for mii... i hav tink to much... y do i hav to suffer tis kind of pain... i jus wanna c him... jus c him for 1 sec everyday will b more den enuff... but... it seem tooo impossible... is it reali tat difficult... jus 1 sec n i will b satisfy... but... haiz... * ~ . m i s s i n g . h i m . ~ *

___ knew . lots . of . new . frenz . ]] *

- hmm... got to noe lots of new frenz at bandemeer bball court... reali quite happi abt it... wish to noe as many as possible.... hmmm.. ya... but i still miss mii frenz in boon lay... reali miss dem... esp him... but... dey stay jus too far... how i wish tat i could c dem at least once a wk... but... i noe it's impossible... frenz at bandemeer reali hlp mii to forget how much i miss dem a lil... dey reali make mii luff n teach mii play bball.. soo glad to noe all of dem... hmmm... hope to noe as mani frenz as possible.... =)

..:: w i l l . i ::..

2005-01-24T21:18:00.000+08:00

___ last . day . hav . gone . ]] *

- a new week has begin... last sunday is da day... yet i couldn't c him on sun...i promise try nt to c him animore... coz i noe i couldn't luv him animore deeper... as i noe he hav a gurl in his mind... i'm onli his fren... n it's totally impossible for mii to b wif him... i reali lyk him alot... i wan him to noe how i feel for him... but... i'm afraid of being rejected... i'm such a ugly n fat gurl wif an awful attitude.. yet he is tall, nt fat n nt bad lookin guy wif a good charater.... mii don pei him at all... but y do i lyk him soo much... hx... i reali lyk u... hope u noe hu r u...

* ~ . tears . filled . mii . eyes . ~ * ~ . missing . ue . ~ *

..:: t h x . a l o t ::..

2005-01-22T22:26:00.000+08:00

____ thanks . for . wad . u . all . hav . done . for . mii . today . ]] *

- hmmm.. today got a great tym wif bea... hx... n tor... ya... went to orchard...although got a period quite sianz... but after tat okie le...hmmm... reali miss hx nw... ya.. den today when i saw him... i tink i miss him too much till i donno wad to tok to him... den end up bea tok to him... den i jus lyk walk behind.... den dey both look lyk a couple... xian mu n jealous... haiz... den lyk tat lo... den we go mit tor... den after tat... we go walk walk... den go kinokuniya( hope i din spell wrongly... =x) den i sort of went missin... den dey went to look for mii... den bea sae tat hx was lyk so worried abt mii... but i donno izzit true ma... den we go broaders buy tor book... den go pacific plaza to c mii stuff... n i bought a cap fr der...yeepi!! den go heeren take pic n walk abit..... den go cinelesiure to eat dinner... but i nv eat again... coz no wei kou... but tor force mii to go buy tings eat.. soo.. went to buy prawn salad roll to eat n a cup of watermelon shake.... but din finish everyting... onli ate two piece of da prawn salad roll n abt 3/4 cup of watermelon shake.... ya... den we go hme... coz hx , tor n bea nd to go hme... so.. go hme lo... nv go beach.. sad... but nvm.. den sort of play at da station...hmmm sooo funni... tu-pid tor... hai wo spoil mii xing xiang... haha... keep on di siao mii... hmmm... ass-hole~~ haha... jk la.. den manage to cheer mii up abit... but after dey go... i on da train.. i brokedown... den bea at der sort of console mii.. haiz... coz i reali miss da beach... den wanna go b4 a new week begin... but... haiz... will try to go tml.. if nt scare next wk i break down...aniway... left abt 1more day... after today... i wun b able to c dem le... coz i make da promise... hmmm.. but today is da last day i c dem... ** sobz ** ** miz dem** ** miz him**

..:: t i n k i n . t o o . m u c h ::..

2005-01-21T23:27:00.000+08:00

___ happi . abt . him . ]] *

~ woah!! i ' m soooo happi... reali happi... weee!!! haha.. mii is insane.... aniway.. tell u all y... hmmm... today went boon lay der play bball.. but end up nv play... -.- hehe... but nvm.. coz i discover sumting.. is tat he sort of care for mii ba... tat's wad i'm hapi abt.. although he went off when i came.. but he still bother abt mii.. yeah!! haha.. reali reali happi... although it's nth tomost of ppl... n mayb i tink to much.. but i'm jus happi... hmm... mayb he onli care for mii as a fren ba.. but i don care.. mii nw happi... oh ya... still got.. hehe... jus nw.... he sms-ed mii.. askin where m i..... den i tell him tat i'm on da cad to jurong east interchange... coz i don hav enuff money to take cab all da way hme... den he wanted to cum to da interchange n send mii all da way hme... he lives at boon lay der... n i live at serangoon.... yet he wanna send mii hme... woah!! mii reali happi sia... wanted him to send mii hme... den cn pei wo jiang hua.. if nt lyk sooo sianz alone on bus... haha.. but i ask him nt tooo send mii hme... hmm.. the reason is bcoz i scare ltr he reach hme too late.... den he v. tired or wad... coz fr his place to mii place nd abt 1hr+... tat's y... hmm.. ya... but how i wish he would send mii hme.. but.. mus tink for him.. hmmm.. if he tml ask mii again... i sure will ask he to send mii hme de... haha.. =p * evil mii *

..:: t h e . d a y s . i s n ' t . r i g h t . f o r . m i i ::..

2005-01-21T15:02:00.000+08:00

___ pls . let . mii . off . ]] *

- pls... i beg u all... cn u all don make mii sad le ma... i drop enuff tears for u all le... u all r makin mii life miserable... u all wan wad mii to do... i reali tired le... jus let mii off... i nt up to da probs u all wanna gimme... i jus wanna b happi... but y... y u all wan to make mii tears drop... i reali sick of it... cnt u all hav jus abit of care of concern for mii... i reali tired... pls.... i cn get injured for u all... i cn lost mii flash for u all... but jus pls... hav abit of care n concern for mii... i reali nd it... but y u alll jus don wan mii to hav it... all u wan is to hav mii suffer... i reali afraid of it le... mii reali scare of it le... i jus wanna b happi... i jus wan care n concern fr u all... cn u all jus treat mii better... i reali wan to treasure u all i cn.. i don wan u all to leave mii.. u all r impt to mii... without u all... i might nt hav da today mii... but y... y u all hav to treat mii lyk tat.. i jus don understand... i reali sry if i hav done ath wrong... but cn u all jus treat mii better.. i don wan jus for a while... i wan long term.. but i noe it will nv happen... i jus nt fated... i'm ill-fated... if u all wanna leave mii... jus tell mii.. i couldn't take it animore....

___ mii . frenz . in . jurong . ]] *

- today is a friday... two more days later... i nt gonna c u all animore....includin da one i lyk.... now i wanna to let u noe ( if ya happen to c tis ).... the one i lyk is u... n u is han xian.... i don care wad's gonna happen... n i noe der sure wun hav ath between us... so i let u noe... i will ne wad's gonna happen... hmmm.. i nt gonna c u all animore le... even if i happen to c u all... i wun wanna sae hi to u all... i will jus walk pass u... pretendin nt to noe u... i donno wad had happen to mii... but..... i'm reali sry... u all r reali great to b wif... i'm jus tooo useless to do ath... i'm useless... i'm dumb... i'm stupid.... but... i'm reali sry.........

=(

..:: d a y s . w i t h o u t ::..

2005-01-16T14:20:00.000+08:00

___ . h i m . ]] *

- missin ue everyday... yet i couldn't c ue... i wish i could c ue... but ue stay far fr mii... is it possible fo mii to c ue everyday?? how i wish to.. but.. wad happen if i c ue...wad will happen.. i could not tink of it.. coz i jus miss ue too much... till tat when i c ue.. i wun noe wad will happen to mii n ue... i noe it is nt possible ofr mii n ue... but.. i wish i could b wif ue.. but.... is it possible?? * ~ . l u v i n . u e . ~ *

___ . b e a t r i c e . ]] *

- ya goin to obs tml.. i'm sry tat i could nt send u off as i hav sch... haiz.. i wish i could c u one last tym b4 u go to obs... coz i f i don.. i will hav to wait for abt a week ltr b4 i could c ya again.. pls cum back earlier... coz i will miss u dearly mii fren... i dono hu cn i tell mii prob tooo whenu r nt ard... i guess i hav to keep it within mii heart till ya come bk.. i'm afraid i might jus break down... i'm scare i will breakdown when i c u.. i'm jus afraid... pls... i beg u... try to cum bk asap... i will sms u everyday.. when u cum bk.. we go dreams n we shld go shoppin too k?? * ~ . f r e n z . 4 e v e . n . o w a y z . ~*

..:: s i c k . d a y ::..

2005-01-12T20:49:00.000+08:00

- today din go sch... coz hav a v.big headached... ytd nite mii head almost explode... but no1 ard to save mii.. haiz... den today slp till 10+am... den watch tv abit... den go dreams... den der goes again... head pain pain.. haiz.... donno wad happen to mii.. den reach dreams... mii sis haven cum bk... den at der slack abit... den diyon came.. den pei mii abit...den she noe i sick... haha.. donno y.. den after tat mii sis came bk.. den bought instant porridge for mii.. den diyon n i cook together... let it cool down den i go c doc near dreams... den do mii stuff le.. den came hme abt 8+...den online.. continue to do mii wk... sianz...sick..pain...

..:: w a d . h a p p e n . t o . m i i ::..

2005-01-11T22:12:00.000+08:00

- okie... so... today.. hav mood swing... nt in v. good mood... hav ren da whole day in sch... den after sch buai tahan den let out everyting... den... haiz.. bad gurl today... hmm.. ya.... today saw torance dey all.. except hanxian.. den got abit mao dun... donno y... den doesnt seem to b concentratin on ath.. aniway.. today when c dem.. din reali luff much coz... mood swing... haiz.... donno wad on earth hav happen to mii.. confused... aniway.. jus finish cryin... coz type da letter to clique 8... so... eyes abit puffy puffy.. shld b okie by tml le ba.. hope so... aniway.. today dey go dreams is to celebrate mii sis bdae... lucky her... =) nt lyk mii... haiz... feelin tis yr bdae sth bad will happen.. but hu noes.. still got 3 more mths... =)

..:: t o . m i i . d e a r e s t . c l i q u e . e i g h t ::..

2005-01-11T21:19:00.000+08:00

- hmm... i guess i will split tis blog to u all in different parts... okie? hmm.. nw i'm gonna start mii 1st part ba...

wanna thx u all for givin mii da good tyms wif u all... reali treasure da tym wif u all... u all hav being wonderful frenz for mii.. without u all.. i might nt be mii nw... u make mii change.. or i cn sae tat u change mii life.. i reali luv being wif u all...

- hmm... scondly.. tis is da impt part.. hmm.. i donno how to kai kou n tell u all... tat's y i'm typin tis blog to let u all c.. hope u all will b able to c tis... n understand mii.. k??

aniway.. i wanna tel u mii feelings for tis few days... these few days... mii mood hav not being v.good... mayb u all noe.... n mayb nt... i donno.. aniway.. i these few days reali feeling dame bad... i hav been tinkin since da 1st day of sch.. i donno how to describe da feelin... but i jus.. don feel good... reali don feel good... these few days i lyk.... stayin on da mountain top seperated fr u all.. wad u all tokin i simply don understand or... aiya.. cnt find a word for it.. aniway... i tinkin y will lyk tat... all i could tink is.. mayb u all jus don hav da trust on mii.. tat's all... i onli could tink of tis.. i reali tryin hard to b closer to u all.. but der seem to b a wall blockin mii to do tat.. cn u all tell mii how to b closer wif u all ma.. i reali wish to noe... but.. i guess... aiya.. i reali donno... i reali confuse... haiz...

these few days u all reali hurtin mii alot... i don wanna sae hu u r... but i tink u might noe... these few days i reali tryin hard to b happi n make mii go crazy as i reali v.fan n stress up... yet u all donno... den when i dame happi or crazy... u all start to suan or wadever.. u noe reali gurts ma... i reali nt feelin reali good... but hav u all noe.. i don even dare to share wif u all... coz u all might not listen or wad... i wanna share.. but... i jus donno how to discribe da feelin... all i wan is jus try to b happi.. but wad u all did... suan mii n suan mii n suan mii.. u noe how sad is it ma?? haiz...

- so now i hav make up mii mind... is jus to leave u all.. is not i don lyk to b wif u all... is jus tat i don hav da feeling... last tym it used to b der... but now totally gone... i reali tried not to make tis desicion... but... i tink it would turn out to b da best solution to all... or mayb.. jus gimme a break... n i will tell u mii final desicion... i reali hav to relieve mii stress tat u all hav given mii... i need tym... i nd care.. i nd warmth.. but der isnt ani for mii... n mayb i oso hav to make more new frenz out der... so.. ya.. tat's y...

- hope u all understand how i feel ba... i reali reali will b glad if u all could understand mii.. i not tokin rubbish down here... tis is mii tots... mii feelin... thx guys... luv ya all... frenz owayz.... =)

..:: w i s h i n ::..

2005-01-09T13:13:00.000+08:00

___ . to . t hose . ppl . hu . i . noe . through . mii . sis . *]]

guess now ii will hav v.little chance to c dem again... as dey stay far fr mii place... n dey will be v.busy in studies... as dey hav to study for tests n o lvl... it will b good if i cn c dem once a mth... it will b enuff... but i guess.. it wun happen ba... hmm... wish dem all da best in evryting dey do... hope dey will nt forget mii.. hehe.. but if dey do... it's okie.. =)

___ . f o u n d . o u t. * ]]

ppl ard mii.. appears to b easy.. lyk frenz den frenz... but nw i found out.. dey r nt as easy as dey appear to b... dey either hav a motive or dey r jus actin.. da real truth in dem will nv b shown... when i found out tis... i'm totally shock.. but why dey wanna b lyk tis... i tot dey r good ppl?? haiz.. it's sad to noe tis.. but how ii wish tat it will b sooo good tat dey jus b themselve... izzit possible?? i donno...

..:: d a y s . j u s . p a s s i n . b y ::..

2005-01-08T13:02:00.000+08:00

___ t0 . hiim . * ]]

i noe u will nv ever belong to mii... but... i jus wanna tell u tat ii luv ue... but will ii ever to tell u tat... ii guess ii wun.. coz i'm afraid to lose ue... even to lose ue as jus mii fren... coz ue r impt to mii... u cn cost mii to change to another person.. ue make mii realise wad is luv n show mii der is still hope... ii jus simply luv ue...

___ t0 . clique . 8 . * ]]

ii reali tinkin hard tat whether to ii reali belong to u all... u all gave mii lots of disappointment... ii reali wanna b a part of u all.... but... it's reali difficult to... u all don trust or concern abt mii... cn u all tell mii wad's da use of havin u all... u all hav been impt to mii.. yet... ii don wanna sae... coz i guess u all shld noe... if u all don.. den forget abt it... coz........ frenz 4eva....

___ stress . * ]]

sch started.. lots of stuff hav to be done or face... ii hav no will to do tat.... hmwk... ii nd lots of tym to do... nd tym to tink , solve n write... got lots of prob to face n solve... ii too nd to tink da positie n negative solution to it... wad will b better for mii.. n it will tell mii which route is better for mii... but all tis nd lots of tym... i'm reali sick n tired of it... coz it's reali awful n painful... mii sux... life sux...

..:: a n o t h e r . b o r ii n . d a y ::..

2005-01-05T23:46:00.000+08:00

- hmmm... quite a bored day to day... slpy... today bio clas dame sianz.. den make mii feel sooo slpy... almost slp in class... haiz.. but if i reali fall aslp... i will b in dead shit... hahaha... today mii went Dreams... soo sianz oso... reach der abt 4.30... coz sch ends at 3...den got taf instructor mitin.. bo liao sia.. haha... hmmm... den at Dreams no1 pei mii tok... coz Beatrice today nv cum... den mii go der alone... sis busy workin... den mii at der do hmwk... sianz nehx.. but bo bian.. hav to go der almost everyday.. tml oso alone der... Bea cnt go till friday.. but it's okie la... cnt blame ba.. dn actually wanna go play bball n find mii shifu... but lazy to go.. hehe... =x

- hmmm... today is da third day of sch le... wonder how is torance n hanxian dey all doin... shld b fine ba.. rite... torance ankle hao xiang begin to pain again... haiz... take care sia... don keep playin n runni here n der le ba.. nt good... mus take care... nt onli he take care la.... everybody mus take care... miss u all..

..:: s a d ::.. ..:: f a n ::.. ..:: h a p p i ::.. ..:: b r o k e d o w n ::..

2005-01-03T18:20:00.000+08:00

..:: s a d ::.. ..:: f a n ::..

haiz.. a brand new yr hav began.... haiz... tis is da worst new yr i hav.... new yr eve i brokedown.... i donno wad had happen to mii... will tell u in da ltr part of tis post... haiz... den mum keep scoldin n scoldin n scoldin... fr new yr eve mornin till nw... still don wanna end...reali v.pissed off... i'm v.tired n fan... i donno wan tis kind of life of mine... i jus wan a peaceful ,carin n warmth family... y dey jus don understand?? y mii life hav to b such a miser.... haiz... i cn't stand it le... so i intended... after i fiish mii o lvl... i will leave singapore.. mii family n go oversea to study.... den if good... mayb i will stay der forever... if nt.. i will cum bk.. but nt goin bk to mii hse... mayb i will rent a hse or wadsoever... haiz.. tired sia... no1 could ever understand mii pain n prob... i rather hav no family or wad, if i hav tis kind of family... next tym i will nv hav mii family to turn out tis way.... i wun want mii child to suffer or wad... mii family jus simply sux alot...

..:: h a p p i ::..

hmmm.. i oso nt quite sure wad i happi abt.. but i quite happi tat nw he n i will lyk tok face to face or 'chao jia' den di siao each other... hehe.. improve quite alot ba... normally we jus tok abit onli... den u noe wad?? hehe.. manage to spend christmas eve wif him... but of coz still ogot other ppl la... haha.. he v.funni de nehx... oso quite caring... hehe... new yr eve mii nt feelin well or nt in a v.gd mood.. he will lyk sort of cheer mii up... hehe.. den he noe i nt feelin well den he wanted to buy mii some food to eat... but i rejected.. haha... coz i reali no 'wei kou'... den when i go hme... he ask mii to take care n rest early.. haha... ytd sms wif him abit.. den he ask mii to slp earlier... if nt no energy for tml(which is today)... coz sch reopen ma.. haha... happi happi.... * t i n k i n . t o o . m u c h *

..:: b r o k e d o w n ::..

okie.. nw mii tell u y n wad happen tat cause mii to brokedown on new yr eve ba...haiz... da day b4 new yr eve... i suddenly mood swing... den mii tot of mii past( which i don want to ) ... den i started to tink n tink n tink.. den i got reali sooo sad tat no smile is in mii face... n my heart is filled wif alot of guilt n unhappiness... haiz... i donno y.. all tis lyk jus came to mii in split seconds... haiz... den da nest mornin when i wake up... mii actually okie le ba... den when mii mum see mii... den start to scold mii... den i jus got soo pissed off tat i left da hse n mit mii frenz n went to escape... nw even worst.... haiz... bought da ticket.. den go in... den it started to rain n rain n rain n rain... wt lo... den spoil mii mood... den make mii even even worst... den kept walkin in da rain... tis is when i started feelin sick.. n feel lyk vomitin... i donno y.. but jus feel lyk... den on my way to mit bea n nan... i reali feel lyk pukin... da train lyk speedin up till da maximum... den i lyk feelin so god dame sick.. but after i got off da train.. den i felt much better... den went to watch 'Meet The Focker'.. didn't reali concentrate on it n miz alot of parts.. coz i nt feelin well n tinkin abt stuff... somemore at nite i gonna watch it again ma.. so.. hmm.. den watch till half way... i nd to rush to jurong point mit anna dey all to celebrate new yr eve or instead..countdown.. on mii way der.. i took da train.. n da feelin i felt jus nw came bk.. tis tym is worst... i reali almost puke up... n started to feel feverish... n havin headache... haiz.. reach JP le... totally no mood le...dn feelin soo sick.. so din reali smile or tok.. den some of dem tired to cheer mii up... or tok to mii.. nice of dem.. den after tat go bball court awhile den go back to JP.. den torance n edmu keep askin mii to go hme.. but i din wan too... coz i noe if i go hme i sure kana scoldin or wadsoever.. so i din wan to... den i reali v.fan den + mii mood nt v.good le den even worst... den i brokedown in front of torance n edmu.. useless mii.. haiz...den after tat i went hme.. coz both of dem sort of threaten mii.. but i noe dey do tis is for mii own good.. den dey send mii off till i get a cab... *good ba*.. den go hme kana scoldin as expected.. den torance pei mii chat on fone for awhile... den da next day... kana scoldin for da whole day till nw ba... sianz....arrgh!!!

..:: yeah ::.. ..:: shit ::.. ..:: sianz ::..

2004-12-19T13:40:00.000+08:00

..:: yeah ::..

haha.. finally.... finally i hav totally forgotten abt him...worth of celebration... lolx.. hmMm.... den got ta noe a new grp of frenz.... dey v.friendly nehx... den mii kinda lyk to be wif dem... dey v.funny... keep makin ppl luff...some of dem quite shuai n cute nehx.... hehe... den der is tis guy caught mii attention... but too bad... he got some1 in mind oreadie.. or u cn sae tat... all of dem hav some1 in mind...haha... den gotta noe beatrice (mii sis student)... she quite chio nehx... haha... quite close ta mii i guess.. although noe a few days onli...but... haha.. u noe...gal's tok.. lolx... but all i noe is... being wif dem is fun... n noe wad.. i n lina finally cn tok to each other lyk b4 le.. happi nehx...

..:: shit ::..

i'm in dame shit.. mi holiday assignment haven do yet... den abt 2 more weeks den sch reopen le... zhen meh ban?? haha... die le die le... but it's okie... im used to it... bleah... hu cares hu cares...die jiu die ba... hehe.. den mii oso gettin fatter n fatter le.. don dare ta go sch sia.. sure kana taf again le... hahah sianz nehx..haha...i hate taf!! i hate mii sch!! bleah!

..:: sianz ::..

haiz... holiday gonna end le... chirstmas oso cumin le... sianz sia... nt goin aniwhere is chirstmas... sobz.... frenz cnt go out.. sis dey sure nt at hme de...haiz.. gonna hav a lonely chirstmas.... hmmm... wad to do.. sobz...holiday gonna end soon... den gonna b stress up again... den a new chapter of mii life begins... haiz... donna wad gonna happen next yr le... sad...

..:: Gg camp ::.. ..:: vowed ::..

2004-12-01T10:04:00.000+08:00

..:: Gg camp ::.

came back fr girl guides camp last few days... the camp wasn't tat perfect after all... but i did quite enjoy myself der...got to noe a few more frenz... den activities were kinda bored n messed up due to the weather... but... okie la.... okie okie lo... on day one.... we hav to pitch our tents... make the gadgerta (did i spell correctly?)....hav some games... den at nite... we have a game... tat freak out mi frenz... n almost mi... as we hav to be paired up... n go down to the basement which is reali dark n eerie.... jus to get to lightsticks... bt nt bad la hur... heheh...seconday...we hav outdoor cooking... it was fun... but our foods were kinda burnt... lolx....den we hav rehearsal for the campfire....den at evenin... tat was when the campfire begins... although it was abit sianz... but i try to make it abit more fun by makin lots of noises... lolx... n guess wad... mi grp got the first in the 'show'... happi nehx....after campfire was kinda sad ba... coz mi n xinyi sort over some misunderstandin den hurt the friendship...reali regret it... haiz... useless mi... hate miself... den after tat... i tink okie le ba.. when we sit down to watch star... oh ya... guess wad... mi n xinyi... get to caught our eyes on the shootin star.... den of coz we quickly make a wish upon the shootin star.... heheh... den we oso manage to slp in the tent... hahah... as 1st nite it was rainin...den hav to slp in the foyer... den at last... the third day hav arrived.... we played some games.. n mi grp manage to get 1st... hehhe.. den clearin of tents...den stars award... lolx... n mi got the 'most sporty guide' award... lolx...den hme swt hme....

..:: vowed ::..

haiz... mi nw vowed tat...after i completely 4gt abt mk...den i will nt lyk ani1 animore... to hurt...jus to hurt... haiz... v.sad... miss him alot... but hu cares...

..:: celebrate ::.. ..:: fun ::.. ..:: awful ::.. ..:: qicake ::..

2004-11-23T17:00:00.000+08:00

..:: celebrate ::..

yeah!! i earn mi 1st $800 le.. hehe.. thx to all mi hard word... still got abt $200 le... heheh.. cool ba... yts when shoppin to celebrate n buy mi mei presents... sooo happi...ytd spent abt $150.... ((omg))... den nw left abt $650... n the $650 is been put into mi bank account le... hehe... muz jia you.. earn more money... =p.. ohya... oso wanna save some money for mi tummytrim... heheh... =p

..:: fun ::..

haha... last week went to darren charlet... although abit sianz...but i hav a great fun der... wanna thx darren forholdin the charlet... fun nehx... den met some of mi pri schmates... haiz.. reali long tym nv c dem... hahah... den some of the childish guy(in the past)... change to gentleman le... good sia... but sum remain the same...dotx...den went to wild wild wet...den alot la... den tis weekend goin for gg camp... sure v.fun de... heheh... but hope it don rain ba...den better... but if rain...nvm...coz oso will be fun de ma..lolx...

..:: awful ::..

haiz... donno y...these few days got a v.awful feelin in mi heart... donno wad happen... lyk hav done sumting v.wrong... or mayb izzit a gulity feeling?? i donno...haiz...kinda sad.... =(

..:: qicake ::..

haiz.. today dame qicake wif mi father... he almost KILL MI HAMSTER!!! arrgh... he v.extra lo..go but mi hamster in the sun... den take away den sawdust, food, n water.... arrgh... hai wo de baobei n babe feel nt comfortable.. lucky i wake up early.. den save dem arz...if nt.. donno wad will happen to dem... sobz sia... sry baobei n babe... haiz...

..:: sianz ::.. ..:: missing him ::..

2004-11-08T22:31:00.000+08:00

..:: sianz ::..
haiz... holiday started le... tis is the second week le...last week keep goin out... nth to do.. last week mi do kinda lots of stuff.... go beach... watch movies.... shoppin... take pic..... play badminton....play vball.... swimming... suntannin..... fool ard... alot la.... haiz... but still sianz sia.... hope tis week will b better ba...haiz... oh ya... gonna buy hamster le.... sooo happi sia..... excited lei....tink will buy one male one female...den let dem hav tat one... den give birth to lots of cute little hamsters.... lolx...den happi family le... lolx....den mi jie sae she gonna buy a doggy lei.... golden retriver i tink... hahha... den got two kinds of new pets... hapi hapi.... lolx... aniway.... tat day mi go beach den sun burn sia... pain pain... den nw mi face tuo pi... sooo ee...... no face to go out le... haiz..donno when will recover sia...hope to recover soon sia...
..:: missing him ::..
haiz... it lyk hav been wks since mi c him le.... i reali miz him alot.... haiz... gim him his bdae present le.... he sae he luv it alot.... but i donno izzit true anot.....i reali reali hope it is true... but hu noes... mayb he will find tat it sux alot.... haiz... donno la.... recently.... mi den found out tat..... i reali reali luv him alot.... but.... he onli cn treat mi as his fren.... i don mind being his fren.... but.... i reali luv him alot.... i reali hope tat we could reali remind frenz ba... ai ya... wad m i tokin abt... haiz.... i donno la... all i noe nw is i ....... miz n luv him alot..... but der is nth i cn do i guess.... unless i go to sch...den mayb cn c him.... haiz... miz him... luv him......

..:: fun ::.. ..:: kinda pissed off ::..

2004-10-30T23:50:00.000+08:00

..:: fun ::..
wooho!! kinda fun today...hav a bbq at XY hse.... n guess wad..... i manage to start the fire of the bbq.... lolx...hehehe.... lyk sooo...lolx... donno how to xing rong la... but jus got a good feelin lo..... heheh.... den mi bbd the satay... v.v.v.v.v.yummy... lolx...jk jk....bleah...
..:: kinda pissed off ::..
today lyk sooo pissed off wif lina lo... lyk she is the onli one hu cn bbq lo... i wanna bbq lyk her prob lyk tat.... kaoz lo....i happi she buai song izzit.... fuck lo.... ppl lyk to bbq food got prob arz....kaoz lo... den at der sae i hav the wrong way of bbqin food.... pls la... as if she v.clever lyk tat... pls lo..den tat XY oso lo... lyk don trust mi lyk tat lo... mi bbq sooo much satay....n she oso got eat.... still eat till happi happi lyk tat... den when bbqin the third round... den she lyk don trust mi lyk tat... wt lo!! fuck sia...

..:: fuck up ::..

2004-10-29T23:42:00.000+08:00

..:: fuck up ::..
kaoz... today dame fuck up lo...kaoz sia...dame pissed of wif XY n gra lo.... actually is pissed off wif the whole of clique 8 except shuxian... kaoz lo...buy presents for others jiu choose properly n gim dem wad dey wan or lyk... den mi lei... jus gim wad actually shld b given to a guy wan... tink i lyk it alot... den fuck up lo... wad dey wan lo.... kaoz... i hate it lo...tink i wad... rubbish bin arz.... pls lo.... i don lyk it lo!!! fuck up lo....kao bei la!!!

..:: pai seh ::.. ..:: haiz ::..

2004-10-28T22:11:00.000+08:00

..:: pai seh ::..
haha... reali sry tat sooo dame long nv blog le..... pai seh nehx.... hahah... tis few days will b quite busy... mayb will nt blog soo often le... reali sry lei.... nd to go work n stuff... no money lei... sobz.... lolx..... aniway... reali pai seh sia.....
..:: haiz ::..
haiz... tis few days or weeks... lots of stuff happen... don even noe where to start to sae or wadever....but kana rejected by him le ba.... but it's okie rite?? coz i onli wanna b his frenz.... hahah... don wish to tink of aniting... hahahah.... bleah.... den mi next yr goin exp lei..... so qi ji.... lolx.... lucky ba... but i don tink cn go into good class lo.... haiz... heck la... coz myab gonna change sch next yr le ma... hu cares..... lolx.... wa.. is der a change in my personality?? lolx... wadever....bleah!!

..:: wa ::.. ..:: sobz ::..

2004-10-22T18:39:00.000+08:00

..:: wa ::..
ooooooooooo..... mi dear dear blog.... sry sooo long nv update..... v.busy den cnt use com....... reali soooo sry........ i tink got a week rite.... reali reali sry........... in one week alot of tings happen lei..... sobz sia... but onli cn sae some onli...coz cnt rmb all...1st ting.... is mi exam finish le.... den lyk sooo sianx.... dotx. ppl exam finish shld b v.happi v.fun de.... but mi is v.sianx..... sick sia... wanna go out hav lots of fun... but alot of ppl after exams cnt go out.... wt.... haiz.....2nd ting is....ermMm...let mi tink.... oh ya.... mi went out wif mi baobei peixian....long tym nv go out wif her or wad le... den lyk sooo happi.... den we went out wif sha to far east n bugis... den saw vanessa n hui shan...den go far east long john eat... mi saw a guy side view look lyk him sia... but it's nt him...if is him.....i will b overjoyed.... lolx... miz him sia..... haha... den we went to take pic at far east.... once onli... den sianz le... we go bugis lo.... den walk walk walk... nth to do...den take pic again.... for abt 3 tyms.... den got one machine spoil but we donno... den waste sia...but bo bian.... den after takin.... went to look at somemore tings coz no money to take le... lolx..... den after tat go MAC eat ice-cream..... den after tat mi go changi airport to eat dinner wif mi sis..... hahaha...bleahx...
..:: sobz ::..
haiz... get back mi result le..... v.bad sia...... nt the grades i wanted..... sobz...... english failed by 2 marks....
chi, geo, sci, art, lit n math all get C5.... die le la...next yr cnt get into good class or take a math le....sobz........ mi cme n dnt get A1 n A2 respectively...... haiz..... lan lo... mi disappoint him..... haiz.. but wad done is done.... unless mi retain den mayb cn take the exam once more lo.... hahah... aiya... heck arz.......... nw enjoy 1st.... lolx.... =p

..:: sian ::..

2004-10-16T22:49:00.000+08:00

..:: sianx ::..
dotx. today mi topic is sianx again.. coz reali v.sianz... today go out awhile den go hme le... sobx.. sianx sia..today went to bugis n compass... went to 2 places jus to buy a wallet..lolx... siao rite?? but bo bian.. too sianx le... mi n my les partner + twin (hehe...is karen la).. bought the same wallet.... sooo cool..lolx..den eat ice cream.. den take bus + train go to compass den go hme... dn change 3 buses to go hme.. coz mi pei her ma.. c mi sooo good... lolx... den cum hme... den fall aslp... lolx.. den wake up nth to do den online chat chat le... nv eat dinner... coz nt hungry... donno y... lolx... den nw chattin.... n smsin...but nt wif him... sobx... nvm... den ltr gonna slp again...-.-" ...lolx... mi piggy sooo bo bian... mi life sooo sianx horx... wannna go out!!!!!! arrgh!! eeediot.... lolx... sianx sianx sianx sianx... lolx...soo mani sianx....coz....IT'S JUST TOO SIANX LE!! lolx... =p

..:: sianz ::.. ..:: happi ::..

2004-10-15T20:36:00.000+08:00

..:: sianz ::..
wa... sae sia... soon or ltr mi hair gonna drop off mi skin le... today suddenly got two ppl sae mi cute.... omg!! mi where got cute lo... alamak... their eyes got prob arz?? diao... today sianz sia... nv go out to hav fun... but went out wif mi parents... hahah... mi sooo guai horx... of coz la... if nt how to call ah jac... rite?? lolx... den went all the way to a hai nan chicked rice store behind bugis der to eat chicken rice of coz....diao.... lolx... but lucky mi tis piggy got go eat...if nt will miss the nice food... the chicken rice nice nice to eat worx... rice nt oily... chicken v.smooth n fresh.... yummy!!! wanna go eat again sia... lolx... but mus control... next tym den go eat... lolx... den after tat walk to suntec den go carrefour to walk walk... mi din buy aniting... miracle sia... lolx.... normally will buy lots of stuff de... but today nv worx.... lolx... den jus reach hme onli.... bleah... tired tired...
..:: happi ::..
woah!!! exam gonna finish le....last last impt paper which is math paper 2... so shuang!! cn rest le... nt much to study de ma... shiok arz!! finally cn relax le.... hapi hapi!! heheh...den after exams goin to change hairstyle n go big shoppin le.... mi wanna buy lots n lots of tings!! mi don care!! mi nt gonna pay oso... mi sis gonna pay for everting i spend..... wahahaha.... evil mi... but tat's wad we usually do wad.... bo bian.... lolx... yeah yeah!! den holiday oso cumin le...finally cn relax n enjoy all i wan le...goin overseas,camps n openin charlet.... woah!!! yeppi!!! =p

..:: mood swing ::.. ..:: confused ::..

2004-10-14T22:12:00.000+08:00

..:: mood swing ::..
haiz.... donno wad happen to mi nw... havin serious mood swing..... today afternoon still okie okie de... but nw dame upset.... listenin to 5566...for you... den tears seem to b rollin out of my eyes.... i reali hate mi nw.... y mi havin tis mood swing.... m i to stress or wad?? haiz... i donno.... but i tink is jus nw chat wif jess le den bcum lyk tat ba....i oso donno.... den ke lian de rayson... lyk wu yuan wu gu kana throw my temper on him...wish to sae sry to him ba...i reali don mean it de lo.... haiz.... don reali noe wad m i doin nw lo..... haiz...nw nd to do art n study lit.... but.... mi seem to b v.stress n pissed off... nw doin the art...donno wad m i doin lo... keep drawin wrongly.... den lit haven study yet... make mi even more stress sia... but wad to do... hu ask mi today go out den slack the whole afternoon... haiz.... sainz sia...
..:: confused ::..
jus nw chat wif jess...den she keep tellin mi abt wad he sae to her in the past or wadever.... i reali hate to listen to this lo... wad is she tryin to do??? make mi jealous or wad??? i reali confuse... is she tryin to let mi noe more abt him?? i reali reali donno... wad cn i do now... everyting she do...she will try to relate it wif him... wad's the prob lo... i reali don understand...wad's her intention???izzit good or bad??does she still lyk him?? if so... y did she tell mi tat she hav given up on him?? y she wanna do all tis stuff to mi... m i tinkin too much?? reali bothered by it.... but donno wad to do nw.... n to do art... but bothered by tis tingy.... arrgh!!! mi v.v.v.v.v.fan arz!!! cn't stand mi life animore le!!! arrgh!!! mi head nw sooo pain sia....tink tooo much... tooo stress up...too pissed off.... too.... arrgh!! wad happenin tomi.... y m i sufferin all tis tings.... y m i bothered by all tis.... arrgh.... feel lyk cryin nw.... hu cn hlp mi out der??? haiz.... guess no1..... reali havin serious mood swings tis few nites.... arrgh!!!!! help mi!!!! sobz..........

..:: siao ::.. ..:: difficult ::..

2004-10-13T19:10:00.000+08:00

..:: siao ::..
wa... today mi lyk siao de... keep luffin after mi eng paper 2 n d&t.... donno wad happen to mi sia.... keep luffin....den mi lyk the onli one luffin....xinyi n huiting oso nv luff until lyk mi lyk tat....luff till mouth ach sia... lolx... donno wad happen...today reali luff alot... mayb ytd lyk tooo sad le...sheng xin guo du...den today keep luffin for lyk no reason.... haiz... bo wei gong sia... lolx.... bleahx...
..:: difficult ::..
wa...today d&t exam....scare i fail sia....dame difficult...tu-pid Mrs Pang(hecksaw) still sae v.easy...easier den last semester one....bullshit sia...full of craps.... hai... reali scare mi will fail sia... if fail... mayb next yr cnt take d&t le....den...if tis tym fail...will b my first tym failin my d&t....sobz....den tml geo....scare wun b able to do well oso... muz study lyk siao ltr le....cnt slack...mus b determine!!! jia you jia you!!

..:: stress ::.. ..:: sad ::..

2004-10-12T19:55:00.000+08:00

..:: stress ::..

haiz... today mi all of the sudden feeling v.stress.... feel lyk quittin sch....n stop studyin....mi in my heart.... now tat i oreadie failed a few sub le...esp history... nv study ytd.... reali cnt hlp it but blamin myself for keep slackin...n nt studyin.... reali v.upset...nw i hav no mood to eat study luff or do ath...jus feel lyk rottin away..... but mi wanna study for my dnt... but i jus don hav the mood to study dnt... haiz...tink mi cnt fail animore subjects le...if nt i will reali break down de...guess next yr i goin to normal stream le ba.... but hope i don...wish mi luck ba...

..:: sad ::..

mi reali feel lyk cryin...my heart reali kinda sore now.... he lyk ignore mi le... keep sayin he is busy... don even noe wht it's true anot.... haiz... but it might b true..coz o level cumin le... but.... if he reali busy concentratin on studies...y he still cn go out wif ppl or chat wif his frenz but nt mi..m i tinkin to much?? i tink i mean nth to him...nt even as a fren.... mayb jus a stranger.... guess he find mi v.fan or wad ba...den don wanna tok to mi or wad ba.... i reali donno lo... den he sae he will tok to mi ltr or next tym...but the ltr or next tym doesn't seem to b cumin or reachin... reali v.sad.... i reali hope wad he sae he mean it lo... haiz... the tym he tok to mi or we chat happily, givin mi encourgement or even jus normal chattin.... seem to b a dream to mi....i reali hope i could wake up n stop all the dreamin...n c the real world n accept it..... but.... haiz...these fe days i kept tinkin of him....n cnt concentrate le...haiz...he seem to b impt to mi... but...who noes.... haiz... nw i could nt do ath.... jus wish him all the best in wadeva he do ba.... hope he will treat mi as his frenz......